Navigating Toddler Emotions
Toddlers are known to have big emotions, and sometimes explosive reactions. This is why the terms “terrible twos” and “threenager” have become popular. But what if instead of putting a label on your toddler, you took time to learn ways to help them regulate their emotions?
Throughout parenthood, you’ll find yourself encouraging independence in your children, and then stopping to think “uh-oh” once they’ve become independent. That’s because as your children gain control, your brain is telling you that you don’t have control of the situation. Spoiler alert: this is the same process that’s happening in your child’s brain! Let’s dive into this…
Testing Boundaries
As your children are learning to navigate the world around them, they are also trying to learn what boundaries exist around them. This is often when you, as an adult, start to feel overwhelmed. This can show up in a few days through your toddler’s actions.
You likely took time during pregnancy to create boundaries for how you chose to bring your child into the world and introduce them to special people in your life. As your baby started to grow out of the newborn stage, you were probably creating new boundaries around feeding and transportation. At each stage of parenthood until this point, you have been in control of the boundaries set, and your child has been along for the ride. Now, they’re starting to see what it’s like to have some control.
They will start to explore cause and effect: what happens if I throw this toy, hit my mom, or spit out my milk? While as an adult you know how to predict the effects of different actions, their brains are just starting to learn that this correlation exists. When your toddler is testing these out, they aren’t being bad (I truly believe all children are good), they’re learning.
Re-Directing Energy
While it’s developmentally appropriate and essential for them to practice these skills, there will be times you need to re-direct their energy. Let’s look at this example:
Toddler: Throws a train at their baby brother.
You: “No, don’t do that!”
What’s happened here is your toddler is trying to discover what happens if they throw a train. Will baby brother catch it? Will it bounce, be loud, or go far? The immediate response of no only addresses a boundary, but here’s a way this can become even more clear for their little brains:
Toddler: Throws a train at their baby brother.
You: “We don’t throw trains at baby brother, that’s not safe. If you need to throw something, you can throw your stuffie at the wall. Let’s try it together!”
In toddler yoga, we call this body boundaries: establishing what is safe and not safe for our bodies and the space around us. Our yoga moves help your toddler learn where their body is in space. Our yoga classes also practice respecting body boundaries of those around them.
After you’ve set a clear boundary, you are helping them re-direct their energy. Throwing is a natural part of their developmental learning, so showing them what can be thrown and where it can be thrown re-directs the energy away from baby brother.
If you start to notice a pattern of throwing, you can set up a “yes” space in your home that allows them to throw safely. Once you’ve noticed the pattern has decreased in frequency, that’s your signal that their brain is now understanding what is safe to throw and where.
Feeling Out Of Control
When your toddler starts to show big emotions, it’s a signal to you that they are feeling dysregulated and out of control. After your toddler starts to understand the effects of their actions, their brain then starts to try to predict what’s going to come next. When something happens that they didn’t predict, it can feel overwhelming for them. Here are a few things we practice in our toddler yoga classes that you can practice at home, too:
First, then statements: “First you will have one more turn with bubbles, then go sit with mama.” Statements that help them know what’s next helps reduce the feeling of overwhelm and confusion in their little brains.
Routines: Each class starts and ends the same way. The play in the middle of class is when we have some fun with new props, and to signal to their brains that the class is starting to wind down, we repeat the same songs and movements.
Breathwork: Our toddler yogis practice their yoga breath to help bring them out of the flight or fight response. We discuss how this breath can help us when different emotions show up.
Consistency Is Key
Before you roll your eyes at this line, know there is a reason why this statement is used so often. For brains to learn patterns, they need to be repeatedly exposed to these tools of re-direction, breathwork, and boundaries. When they can predict what is going to happen next or are explicitly told what will be next, their brain sends safety signals to their nervous systems.
With repeated role-modeling, regulating your own emotions, and helping to prepare their brains, you’ll likely find a decrease in these big emotions. When the big emotions do arise, provide your toddler with words of affirmation and safety.
You, as an adult, experience different emotions, and your toddlers will as well. It’s a part of being a human being! Instead of telling them to be happy, help them explore these emotions. Here are some prompts I use in our toddler yoga classes:
I’m feeling frustrated. I know when I take a deep breath, it helps me feel better. I’m going to take one now. Ah, that felt good. Will you practice one with me?
We put the toys away and that made you feel sad! It’s okay to feel sad. I’m here for you.
It looks like you want to play. We ask friends to play by using our words, not our bodies. Would you like to say, “Come with me, Dylan”?
The more we repeat these actions and phrases, the more our toddlers are reminded of what boundaries exist both around them and others. This helps them predict future situations and even feel more in control throughout their day. Listen to a first-hand story here.
Come And See!
While language like this might feel difficult at first, this is one of the many benefits you, as an adult, receive from our toddler yoga class. Not only do I role-model these phrases and behaviors each week, I also teach you developmentally what is happening in your toddler’s brain.
“I’ve been so much more aware of telling her what I’m feeling and when I need a break. She has started asking for breaks, too” - Mama D.W.
“The breathing ball has been so helpful in our house. Thanks for this tip!” - Mama B.E.
Are you curious about what you and your toddler will learn in our classes? Come try out your first month!
Looking for more inspirational parenting content? Check us out on social media!
